So, this is blog 200. I've been through a lot and gave all of my readers a piece of myself in these blogs. It may seem lame to you, but I do take this as a celebration of my life thus far. People have told me that my blog helps them through whatever they may be going through at that time in their lives. I'm happy that you are able to relate to my life. It shows me that I'm not the only one going through things, you know? Whether you've laughed with me, or been one of those people who've told me they cried after reading something I wrote - I appreciate you. You've truly been an inspiration just as much as I'd look at myself as an inspiration to you. Some days I don't want to write, but I do because I know that I have one person who needs to get their problems off of their chest as well by reading my blog and realizing that they're not alone. No, this isn't my first blog - but it is the most important to me. I've done a lot of growing in the pages of this blog and I hope that you've grown with me.

I'd like to go through some of my favorite blogs and what I was thinking at that time with you.

Click the numbers to view the blog.

1. My first blog, of course. That was my reintroduction into blogspot. I remember being on the phone with Courtnee while I was blogging that. I kind of miss my friendship with her. That was fresh after our little 'date'. A few of my friends had some objections on what we were doing - but I'm a grown man, you know? It's not like I liked her like that. She was really cool to talk to. Like, she listened, asked questions, intrigued me, and kept me thinking. She always had some type of imput on whatever I was going through. I needed that at that time in my life. She was awesome with the whole relationship thing. That's when I decided to close myself off to everyone. I mean, she is an attractive person and to top it off, she LOVED Jay-Z just like me. We had hours of talking that night. After that, I decided to start blogging again. I missed having someone(thing) to talk to about everything.

2. Number two is just funny because I'm thinking about what happened on the American Gangster night. I'm not sure if Jarell reads my blog anymore, but damn that was hilarious. Rell, remember when I called you and I had you looking up the show times? Courtnee had me on the phone dying that night. That's why I blogged twice. Sadly, I didn't get to watch the movie with her like I planned. London ended up getting me the DVD for my birthday, but that's another story. Man, I can't stop laughing at that night. I had this nigga Jarell on a mission. Courtnee was in the background telling me to stop being so mean to him. Although Jarell and I aren't as cool as we used to be, like talking like we used to, that's still my nigga. We have some laughs together.

3. Aw, man. Jeanri. Remember this blog? That shit brings back hella memories too. I just miss having that bestfriend relationship with you. We never got to a level where you and I would have been - you know? But, I'm not trippin'. We got a good friendship out of what was. You're happy now and so am I. That's all we wanted our bestfriend to have, right? Lol, this blog just makes me laugh. I'm not sure who she was with at that time. I hope it wasn't Drey? It probably was. I'm just talking all types of shit and he was my friend back then. I think maybe it was all jokes or were they going through something? I think that blog was when he [did something bad] on her. That's probably why I was talking like that. I don't know. I do know that I was still smoking then. Nine times out of ten I was high as hell.

4. Nigga! Nigggggggga! Do you know how high I was that night? My nigga, I was scared to drive home. I faced like two blunts to myself while Cal rolled up the Kush. And, son - I got the American Gangster CD? I couldn't get it on the day it came out because I had some shit to pay, so I had to get it the next paycheck. Man, that was a good night. Me and Cal were so fucked up. Like, I couldn't even think straight. But, back to the poem I spoke of. Yea, I wrote this poem about friends being all in my business. Of course, it was about my situation with Courtnee. I was happy that she liked it. I knew she knew that I knew that she knew that the poem was about whatever was going on with my friends, her, an me. I'm still thinking about being so high, though. Man!

5. My first really long post in this blog. Obviously, that blog meant a lot to me at that time. It was just something Courtnee said that made me think about my relationships. I really did like her, no matter how much I tried to play it. If you decide to read that long blog - she's who I'm talking about with it not working. See how I conveniently through her name in the blog like I wasn't talking about her? Lol, yea. Needless to say, that never worked out. I still can't figure out why we stopped talking. That kind of bothered me, but it's cool. Lol, with what I hear - never mind. Everything in that blog just makes me think about what I went through. It still hurts. I can front like it doesn't, but it really does.

6. Ah, thanksgiving. What a terrible day? I dread this thanksgiving because I'm positive I'll be alone all again. I mean, I chilled with Dub and them - but that's not my family. That's their family. I just wish everything was like it used to be. I had fun that night, though. We went to this other studio. Shotey kept saying that it was "giant proof" because the ceiling was super low. Like, everyone could stand up straight in there, BUT ME! my neck was turned to the side like bruh man! Shit was terrible. When I got home, I watched John Tucker Must Die. Lol, like a lame and all alone. It just reminded me of what happened with me. You give your heart to someone and it's terrible. I was never really "in love" with anyone - but I did try, you know?

7. Man, that blog made me really miss Aasiyah. I think I'll call her tonight. God, I really do miss her. She was the best! She would talk to me while I was on my breaks. We never liked each other. We were more brother and sister. I'd always talk about her and she'd call me mean - until she got good at talking shit! Who taught her? I should fight you. Lol, she'd go with me when I got my tattoos and then complain about how I needed to slow down. Lol, man! Memories of my old job. That day was fucking hilarious. Like, I had a billion laughs to myself. I just kept clowning all of them. Andrena. I bet her old ass still works there. Eh, sadly - none of them will be anything. I kind of miss Harry. He was super old, but hella funny. It was sad when his cousin died. They both lived in the same house. They had each other and that's all. Sad. I hope he's doing alright, though and NOT in the backroom at Meijer. That nigga was there for like 40 years, no lie.

8. Christmas. That was a joyously depressing day. Oxymoron, right? That shit was crazy. I rode around my old hood and I just saw everything was changed. Then, my Auntie Roz man. Yes, Auntie! I'm black, ho ass nigga. Anyway, she just looked so terrible. She was smiling all day and she was happy to see me. Lol, she kept telling me how fine I was and how she know all the young girls all on me. I couldn't help but to smile for her sake, but I was really sad at how she turned out. I mean - eh? I don't know. Hopefully this year will be better.

9. I don't wanna be loved. I'd just like to go on record and state that my layout was the illest it's ever been when I did that blog. Eh, I really felt that for a long time. I didn't want to be loved. Sometimes I think being loved now is a hard thing to keep up with. It's eh? I don't know. I guess I just feel like that because of all of the bullshit we go through. I can say that I'm happy for it. Do you see how contradictory that blog post is? I talk about how I miss all of that, but then say I don't wanna be loved. I think I made a new friend with that blog. I don't remember. When was that blog? Let me check. Nah. I don't know why that blog reminds me of someone. I think I was just befriending Karla then.

10. I only like this blog because I want to show y'all those bars. Son, I'm ill. Fuck with my wordplay. I was talking to Karla about me playing the part of love around that time. She was cool, before she got all crazy on me. That's where those bars came from. My conversation with her was kind of deep. I miss those deep conversations with people. Why don't we have them more? But, yea. Needless to say, those lines are ill. Please don't front like they aren't. I still may use them in a new song.

11. Man, I fucking miss my nigga Jarell. Why these niggas do some dective work and find Jaimya? That shit was epic. I was knocked the fuck out and I got a phone call from Jeanri. See, Jeanri never calls me and I knew EXACTLY what it was. I was waiting on that call like a father waiting on the call from the police saying they found his daughter alive. I finally got closure with that whole Jaimya thing. This nigga Jarell, though. Man, lmao! I can't stop laughing that that. So, then - you see Kris. I fucking miss her too. We don't talk as much, but Kris was my damned diary at a point in time. She knows so much about me. I remember when she finally opened up to me. We had the best heart to heart you could ever have with someone. God, I love that girl. I wonder what she's doing with her life now? I know Ike just hit where she is now. I hope she's okay. I swear, I don't know what I'd do if I found out something happened to her.

12. How could I forget about this post? I wrote this because people just felt like they knew me and who I was when they really didn't. That's pretty much my life story up until that point. It's long as fuck. Man, I took a big down memory lane with that blog. I think that one speaks for itself, you know? There isn't much of my thoughts I can say when I was blogging. I just know I was pissed that people thought they knew me. Yea, stfu - you don't know shit.

13. Drey, I'm not sure if you read my blog - but this is so gay, nobeebzmodoe. Lmao, I quit. Man, that was a good laugh that day. Jarell, don't be mad. Drey was the boo of the hour because you left me. Omg, I quit - that's just too gay. Lmao, damn! I remember that day like yesterday. Jeanri accused me of trying to steal her man. Psh, girl boo - nobody wanted yo man. Just a little! LMAO! Okay, okay, okay. I quit, man. I loves the pootang. Tang, y'all remember tang, though? omg!

14. The only significance in this blog is that this is the first time I mention Ki. Lol, I remember that day. We were playing word racer for the first time. I really thought I was the man, until she bechelsied me. I mean, belittled. Okay, I quit - that was mean. I'm sorry. Yea, that was a fun night. I enjoyed her conversation. From then on, I knew she'd be some part of my life. Friends and all. I kind of miss our first conversations, though. I'll get into that later on in this celebration post, though.

15. Blog number 100. We're halfway there kids. This wasn't a good post, man. It was terrible, actually. The shit with Juelz and the shit with Ace. Like, Ace wasn't the problem - it was just ugh. I don't know. Ace and I talked about it, though. We had a good clear up. That was the day Rude Awakening dropped too. Such a bittersweet day. He deserved everything he got. He actually deserved more. That album is classic. I think you all should go bump it right now. Double Disc? Unsigned? Producing the whole thing by himself? God! That's crazy. You don't appreciate shit like that until later. Hopefully it'll resurface and he gets what he deserves for it.

16. Ah, the Yo!MTV Raps layout. That shit was extra fly. Ki, you still gone model them kicks for me? Lol, those are so hideous. Man, this is when I was so inspired with the By Any Means Necessary project. I'm still doing it, don't doubt. I just need more time. We'll get it out, I promise. China helped me with that layout, though. I realized I haven't said much about China. I miss all of her gay quotes. She was my bestie for a minute, but then she got brand new too. Just like London and Cue at that time period; not that shit has changed with them since then. Oops? Cue must of heard me typing about her because she JUST hit me up. Weird. Today, my relationship with London and Cue is pretty cool, I guess. It's nothing like it used to be. I honestly do miss those days, though.

17. Yea, I looked like a HOT fucking mess. I really needed to get that shit cut quickfastandinahurry. I took that picture to make Ki laugh for a bit. Lol, she doesn't know and probably didn't know then. I was willing to ptu myself all out there looking terrible to make that girl smile. That was fun. That blog, that day - eh? I was kind of upset with people telling me that I needed to act my age because I'm "too grown". Oh, and that whole leg thing - it came from this picture Ki showed me. Omg, her legs. Okay, let's not get into that. I don't want to embarrass her. I acted like how she looked in that picture didn't phase me. Lol, I'm good at being 'too cool' for shit. She didn't even know how I really felt about that picture until recent. -goes to look.

18. I smoked this black with all of you. This is one of my most memorable blogs. I really wasn't talking to any of you though. Get used to hearing Kikikikiki a lot from now on through this post, because these blogs are relevant to her. I smoked this black and talked to her so she'd know exactly what's going on. We had a good talk. These are the days when it was so easy to come to her because she was so intriguing. I'm not saying she's not now, but it's just hard to speak to her about stuff. I miss being able to just pour my heart to her. Our old conversations were fun and they took a serious turn every night. We'd sit up for hours just talking about what's on our minds. I can't get her to tell me what's on her mind today if I tried to. Eh, so I stopped. When I do ask her, it's always something random. I know she's more than just wanting "breakfast" but she won't tell me. I'm not going to beat it out of her. Like, literally today - I just found out how stressed she really is. It bothers me that I don't know, but eh? I don't know.

19. 100 things that make me smile. Mai hails this blog post as the best I've ever done up until that point. It took me so long to think of 100 things that made me smile. I did that list because Ki and I were talking and I was so down and depressed during that time, as I still am. I just wanted to think of things that made me feel good, you know? The list turned out great. I wish everyone else would do a list. I want to know what makes all of you smile. Then that's something you can read when you're down. I don't read mine, but maybe I should.

20. Funny fucking thing. This song is playing on my playlist right now. Brown Eyed Blues post. Man, that was such a serious one. Needless to say who I wrote that blog about. That's when you realize that what you're feeling it's real. Like, man. I'm happy to say that nothing has changed with my feelings since that blog. If anything, they've gotten deeper. This song is still so relevant. It's so ironic that shit song is playing while I'm writing this about that blog. That's wild. God is good, I swear. His timing is amazing. It's just putting me back in that mood when I wrote this blog. Nothing will change with me and those feelings.

21. Lol, this blog was funny. This was all of that lame ass "radio beef" shit. Lol, niggas seriously. Are you serious? Sorry to say, but none of you niggas lasted. Oops? That shit is just funny to think about it. Niggas supposedly had problems with Jay Adams like Jay Adams cared? Gtfo. At that time, I honestly didn't care who had a problem with me for what reason. What's changed now? I still don't give a fuck.

22. To be honest? I only like this blog because of the shoes. I still want ever pair of shoes in that blog. Sadly, I have no job and I won't be able to get them. That sucks. Lol. Someone go cop them for me. All of those shoes are gorgeous. I don't want that backpack anymore because the accessories don't come with it and you know I need all of those. With all of the accessories, it's way more expensive then the other one I want. I'll get that one soon, though. As soon as I get the money. I would have it now if I was going to school. Ugh!

23. I've Created A Monster. My first solo project. What a fucking flop? Not many of you supported me. Still, this is one of the highlight blogs in my life. It's never too late to download it, lol! Seriously. Go ahead and get it for me. I'm proud of my effort, as you should be too. So please, for a poor rapper - go ahead and tell your friends to come back and read that blog and download my project.

24. She didn't have to, but she did. I gave her so much trouble that day, but she did. It's really making me happy. I can't stop thinking about that. She's amazing, seriously. For her to make sure I'm good through everything - it shows love. I love her and I'm not afraid to admit it to the world. If you read that blog, you'll see what I'm talking about. Man it's so, like - I don't know. I can't put the words to that. I'm just, speechless. I'm a very verbose person. For her to take away my speech is a big thing.

25. Ah, Stingy. Another song I deciphered to go with my feelings. A lot of you made me seem like a complete jackass about her going to sleep - but that's not the case. Hopefully this blog really put things into a different light. Lyfe really made things clear for me. Like, I'm stingy and I honestly don't want to share her - but I know that I have to. Even this blog made you people think I was a jealous, crazy boyfriend. Eh, you niggas just expect the worst out of me. It's cool. The only person that matters got it perfectly.

26. I left this blog, I know. This is my official "Welcome Back" post. Ah, this is a landmark post. I hope you saw what the newer things going on in my life have been like. As you can tell from that blog, shit hasn't been pretty. Eh, I have faith - not as much as I should - that things will be okay. I know God is going to take care of me. That blog was like the peak of my frustrations and how I took them out on Ki. I felt hella upset about it. Then all of you went and told people and I got plenty of phone calls asking why I yelled at her. Like damned, gtfo of my life.

27. One of my most revealing blogs since the whole "new blog" thing. This is crazy, yo. It's mad long. This is where Vanessa really came into my life. She's cool and a fun person to talk to. I'm just embarrassed that she had to come in my life when I'm going through shit, you know? Lol, she doesn't get to experience the cool, crazy, shit talking Jay. She gets Emo Jay! Whewww! How fun? Anyway, that blog - man my mind was so stuffed. Today, I'm still stuffed with things. I need something or someone to get into a deep conversation with to help me ease somethings on my mind. Eh, that's sad.

Well, that's memory lane. Let's talk about some honorable mentions:

The same ol' love story: Ah, man. This is so true, even to today. Nothing has changed with me and that. Given recent events, it just seems like it's proving to be more relevant. I'm sorry that I feel like that now, but I cna't help it. Hopefully this "talk" will ease some of that with me. I just feel - I don't know. I'm trying not to let that bother me right now because it's really been on my mind all day. Like, it's even in my dreams. I'm ready to get past that.

The heartbeats: Lol, that was a blog where I let my readers into my heart. It was cool - I guess. It came out a little more personal than I would have liked it to be. I'm proud of letting my feelings out like that, though. It's not something I'm good at, you know? So you should be proud of me, again.

The Love: Be Smart: Ah, that blog. That was an essay piece I wrote. I think everyone should of read that. It was such a good thing. To think that I'm so young, but my head is on my shoulders so tight. It's quite amazing. I'm such a well spoken person. I sometime surprise myself. That's one time when I really surprised myself. I read it today and I'm like "did I really write that?"

The Day Segments: Y'all remember that? Day 1-4? Ah, man those were such good blogs. I had like a billion comments and hits off of those blogs. Lol, you niggas ate those blogs up. I'm not supposed to tell y'all, but Ki thinks I got so many comments because she was gone and y'all were trying to push up. That's not true, right? Lol, kidding! Don't beat me up, Ki.

If you've made it this far, thank you! Mazal tov, it's a celebration bitches! La Heim! You know? Let's get it. Let's rock for 200 more blogs! Get your blunt, smoke your black, drink your liquor and we'll live it up. I'm anxious to know what you've thought about all of this, so please do comment. I'm looking forward to reading all of your blogs too! Man, I thank God I'm still alive. You know? It's been mad tough. Thanks for being here reading all of this and keeping up with me. Word, I love all of you.