You know what? I'm trying to start fresh. Like, seriously have a different outlook on things. It's hard to rebuild alone. I know I'm not alone. It's just that I need something. I don't even know what I need. I need a push, I guess. Like, I try so hard but all I get is the same outcome. Maybe that's because I'm using the same procedure and expecting something completely different the next time. I don't know. I hope it will become more clear, you know? I kind of let myself slip up over the weekend and again tonight. It's a terrible habit to succumb to. I look to find strength in things, but it's hard to find it in anything else but myself. I'm at a point where I feel like I need to be spoon fed so that I can pick myself back up once I've gotten the tolerance and strength to put up with things. These days tears are just convenient. I've always thought it was so bitch-made to cry, but I can't really help it when I'm overly frustrated. That's because I'm weak now. I'm not afraid to admit it.
I just got back in the house. I had to leave for a bit to keep myself from shedding another tear. I refuse. I can't. I went to a friend's house and he had all of this alcohol, weed, and blacks. I gave into it. I normally don't, but I'm feeling weak. There were a few females there. I couldn't see myself getting down with anyone - for obvious reasons. All I kept thinking about is the song playing on my blog now. Long Gone Missin'. Lol, that kind of describes my night and plenty of other nights. I had to get out of there and make my way back home. I didn't want to go home. I was being stubborn - but I had to. As I was driving, every turn that lead to my house was a red light. As if the lights were saying "just stop and turn." I couldn't. I'm too stubborn. I was upset and I didn't want to cry. Being here would have made me. So I just drove around thinking about how I could have done things differently or made things better. I'm still at a loss, but it's cool. I will figure something out eventually.
Other than that, I called my cousin and he made me feel a lot better. We just rapped on the phone. I haven't rapped in so long and I kind of miss it. He's a good motivator. He has stepped his game up so much since last year. I admire what he does. I listen in amazement like "is this the same guy that I came up with?" - He's really surpassed me to a point where I don't think I can catch up. That's cool, I need someone to make my money off of. I'll just make sure he's signed under this label forever and ever. Game over. Once he goes platinum, then you know - it's all my money. I don't mind being the manager and behind the scenes guy. Just as long as I can go home at night and reap all of the benefits of being some rich rapper then I'm good.
Today started off as a good day after a great night. Things kind of took a turn for the worst after a while. I mean, that's how most of my days happen. I'm not upset about it. I'm rather used to it. I'm not saying it's something that I want to be used to forever, though. I'd like for things to be better, but as I said in my last post - God will make things right when he's ready for things to be right. I'm fine with that. Maybe it's an excuse? It could be just something that I tell myself so that I don't feel any worser. I'm fine with living in that facade. That's such a terrible thing to say, right? I don't care. Lol, let's end this here. Goodnight, folks.
Oh, I bought a notebook.
I just got back in the house. I had to leave for a bit to keep myself from shedding another tear. I refuse. I can't. I went to a friend's house and he had all of this alcohol, weed, and blacks. I gave into it. I normally don't, but I'm feeling weak. There were a few females there. I couldn't see myself getting down with anyone - for obvious reasons. All I kept thinking about is the song playing on my blog now. Long Gone Missin'. Lol, that kind of describes my night and plenty of other nights. I had to get out of there and make my way back home. I didn't want to go home. I was being stubborn - but I had to. As I was driving, every turn that lead to my house was a red light. As if the lights were saying "just stop and turn." I couldn't. I'm too stubborn. I was upset and I didn't want to cry. Being here would have made me. So I just drove around thinking about how I could have done things differently or made things better. I'm still at a loss, but it's cool. I will figure something out eventually.
Other than that, I called my cousin and he made me feel a lot better. We just rapped on the phone. I haven't rapped in so long and I kind of miss it. He's a good motivator. He has stepped his game up so much since last year. I admire what he does. I listen in amazement like "is this the same guy that I came up with?" - He's really surpassed me to a point where I don't think I can catch up. That's cool, I need someone to make my money off of. I'll just make sure he's signed under this label forever and ever. Game over. Once he goes platinum, then you know - it's all my money. I don't mind being the manager and behind the scenes guy. Just as long as I can go home at night and reap all of the benefits of being some rich rapper then I'm good.
Today started off as a good day after a great night. Things kind of took a turn for the worst after a while. I mean, that's how most of my days happen. I'm not upset about it. I'm rather used to it. I'm not saying it's something that I want to be used to forever, though. I'd like for things to be better, but as I said in my last post - God will make things right when he's ready for things to be right. I'm fine with that. Maybe it's an excuse? It could be just something that I tell myself so that I don't feel any worser. I'm fine with living in that facade. That's such a terrible thing to say, right? I don't care. Lol, let's end this here. Goodnight, folks.
Oh, I bought a notebook.
4 comments:
Worser isn't a word.
Yeah, you know now.
OH, YOU'RE TOUGH NOW?!
All this damn typing. I don't read this much in school.
Post a Comment