I remember watching an episode of The Game when Melanie inquired about Darwin's finances and he acted extremely funny about it. Understandably so; it's his money, why does anyone else have to know? My question is, when is money something of importance in a relationship? I've never been one to discuss my financial status with a single person. I believe in financial privacy in any relationship. Is there a point where you begin to comfortably discuss your finances with your significant other or do you end up like the guy from the free credit report dot com commercials?
I was raised in a way that seriously stressed that certain things aren't your business; and if they aren't, then you shouldn't worry about it. So, in that belief, I don't ask questions about someone's money situation. I feel like you're crossing the line if you bring it up. Especially if you ask and the person shys away from the topic. It's like "oops? my bad." You know? Lol, it makes you feel really stupid. You should have asked the question or laid low? What if it's something that you would really like to know. Not really on some "oh yea, boo. you gettin' mad money" type shit. Just for an understanding of your status as a couple. Do you even care about things like that? These are serious questions, btw.
I never really answer questions concerning money because I used to attract type-gold digger chicks. I always figured someone was with me for my financial status and not the person I am. I don't know, it was weird. In my relationship now, I don't mind it. I would put her on my accounts because I trust her to that extent. I don't really feel like I have to hide how much I make from her. Say my nose is wide open, but if I had a large amount and her and I got married, I wouldn't suggest signing a prenuptual agreement. My money is shared, I guess. I don't mind it. That's a first.
What are your takes on finances as a couple?
I was raised in a way that seriously stressed that certain things aren't your business; and if they aren't, then you shouldn't worry about it. So, in that belief, I don't ask questions about someone's money situation. I feel like you're crossing the line if you bring it up. Especially if you ask and the person shys away from the topic. It's like "oops? my bad." You know? Lol, it makes you feel really stupid. You should have asked the question or laid low? What if it's something that you would really like to know. Not really on some "oh yea, boo. you gettin' mad money" type shit. Just for an understanding of your status as a couple. Do you even care about things like that? These are serious questions, btw.
I never really answer questions concerning money because I used to attract type-gold digger chicks. I always figured someone was with me for my financial status and not the person I am. I don't know, it was weird. In my relationship now, I don't mind it. I would put her on my accounts because I trust her to that extent. I don't really feel like I have to hide how much I make from her. Say my nose is wide open, but if I had a large amount and her and I got married, I wouldn't suggest signing a prenuptual agreement. My money is shared, I guess. I don't mind it. That's a first.
What are your takes on finances as a couple?
4 comments:
You watch The Game? Oh lord. I used to watch that show religiously with my ex. Believe it or not, our relationship is somewhat like Darwin & Mel's relationship. Lol, thank god that no longer is the case.
I'm comfortable discussing my finances with the person I'm dating, I really don't think there's anything that we are uncomfortable discussing with each other to be honest.
I think if you are just casually dating, then no it is no one's business. But in a serious relationship, these things need to be addressed. If you are building a foundation with longevity in mind, your financial status and hers are both significant because of course they impact important decisions. What kind of house you may be able to afford, if you plan to take out loans or mortgages, what type of life insurance you are available for, the list goes on and on. And ultimately, that is if you are funneling funds into one account and sharing finances, your credit and/or hers are reflective of one another. Lol you definitely don't want to be like freecredit dude. If she has bad credit or if he does, that needs to be put out there so that the necessary steps to garner good credit are done, AND your credit does not deviate into bad standing.
But as for asking, I don't think those with proper etiquette outright ask how much money do you make. If it is your first date or so and the chick is asking that, that is a sign! People who are highly focused on the superficial will make themselves known within the first two dates or so, and in most cases you can tell that in their conversation. For instance, one of my co-workers who I have learned likes me makes it known about how many homes he has, his cars, his vacation spots and then some. He works these things into everyday conversation that has nothing to do with any of the above. So on the flipside, gold diggers more than likely will let themselves be known the same -- you just have to pay attention to what they say. Anyway, there are ways to garner an idea without it being stated. For instance, most inquire about the job title that you hold. You can estimate a person's income based on their living situation and what it looks like, what kind of car they have aka material possessions and what kinds of leisure activities that they might do. And all of this is acquired over a period of time (if it is done in the healthy normal way), which kind of eliminates the awkwardness one might feel if they blurt out the question in a more direct approach.
As for marriage, I think in this day and age it is always important to sign a prenuptial agreement. You never know what may happen further down the line and with the steady incline of divorce rates, it's smart to do to protect yourself. It ensures that any money you made independently of her remains yours or vice versa, and if in fact you do become a statistic, it makes for a much cleaner and less grizzly divorce. She will know what she is entitled to (or he), and there should be less friction. I say if there is a huge disparity between one person's income and the other's... definitely get that prenup.
lol this is newameryakhn on tumblr btw! lol And sorry for such a long comment!
Lizzy! I haven't seen you on my comments in forever and a day, times two. I'm glad you and your current boyfriend are so open.
D, I really appreciate your comment. It's very insightful. I enjoy longer comments. It makes me feel like I provoked thought. That's the main reason for my blog posts. I love to engage someone's minds and get them thinking. I makes for great conversation. I agree with everything you're saying. It's not anything that I haven't said before to friends I have who get into a financial situation. I have a female friend who ended up like the freecreditreport guy. Fortunately, everything worked out for the best with them.
As far as a prenuptial agreement goes. In most instances, yes, it's definitely needed. Especially for today. I feel like my relationship now is built off of a money standpoint. If anything, her income is higher than mine at this point in life. Lol, she doesn't need anything that I have. She's going to kill me for bringing this up if she reads this; but she's a lawyer, so if anything she'd suggest it before I did. I don't mind it at all. I trust that if and when we make that commitment to spend our lives together, then it will be just as such.
Again, I really do appreciate your comment!
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