I haven't blogged in a while. I'm sorry. It's just I'm not up for it anymore. There is so much going on and I always feel so bad. I don't think there's been a day to go by as of recent that I hadn't shed a tear. Eh, somedays I just don't know. I'm in desperate need of prayer. I remember when I was younger we'd always joke about in church when they say "I'm standing in the gap for Brother So-and-So." - Well, now I need someone to stand in the gap for me. Maybe your prayers will work better than mine. It's this Lyfe Jennings line that I always emphasize: "I'm afraid God will be like what you callin' here for?/Don't be tyin' up my line asking me for shit no more." - I've said it before in my blog. That's exactly how I feel, though. I'm asking everyone of you that reads this blog and has faith in God just to include me in your prayers. I really need it. I feel like that I'm losing my faith in God. I know my great friends like Eric are willing to talk my head off on how crazy that sounds. I'll admit, I need that talk. I never ask for anything, but just grant me that favor. I'd really appreciate it.
Everything is just always so complicated, you know? For once, I'd like for something to just go smooth. I received some great news about Christmas this year. My mother would be giving me $500 to help me out with my clothing needs when school starts. Many of my readers know my situation, so you can imagine how great that made me feel. I cashed my chips in too early - because now I have to redo all of the budgeting I did with that money. Sadly, five hundred dollars isn't a lot when you're my size. They make all of the affordable, nice looking clothes for smaller men. I'm 6'8" 260 - there is not a damned hope in the world that could make me fit into a medium sized shirt. I guess the trend is tight fitting now. I know better than to even browse Karma Loop. They have tons of pages when you search for small and medium, but once you get into the bigger sizes - you get like two items. Eh, it's so bothersome. I like Dr. Jays because they don't forget about the bigger men. They have big and tall sections for just about every brand of clothing on that site. It's pretty much the only place that I can shop online. They're not exactly cheap though. I had my money figured out - but now I need to include other things that I thought were taken care of. Which means some of the jeans and shirts I picked out have to go back onto the rack. Lol, I swear - nothing is meant to go right for me. You know what? I'm going to remain positive and just try to fit as much as I can into this little budget. All I want for Christmas is just for things to finally go my way for once.
One day, I guess. I want things to go my way. I want a movie to load and play through without skipping or the voices not matching up. I want to wake up with more than 51 cents in my bank account. I want my truck to not make that loud noise everytime I turn it on. I want to be able to tolerate being in this house and know that I won't be cursed out everyday around 4:30. I want to be able to sleep through the night without someone turning all the lights on downstairs and turning the TV's on through the house. I just want to make plans and have a solid outcome. I don't want much. I don't even want a Christmas. I just want things to go my way. It's frustrating when everything fails. I can't explain the anger and disappointment I feel day after day when things just go wrong. It's like I know when shit's not going to work. One day I'll know that it's going to work. That's all I want.
Isn't it what we all want?
Everything is just always so complicated, you know? For once, I'd like for something to just go smooth. I received some great news about Christmas this year. My mother would be giving me $500 to help me out with my clothing needs when school starts. Many of my readers know my situation, so you can imagine how great that made me feel. I cashed my chips in too early - because now I have to redo all of the budgeting I did with that money. Sadly, five hundred dollars isn't a lot when you're my size. They make all of the affordable, nice looking clothes for smaller men. I'm 6'8" 260 - there is not a damned hope in the world that could make me fit into a medium sized shirt. I guess the trend is tight fitting now. I know better than to even browse Karma Loop. They have tons of pages when you search for small and medium, but once you get into the bigger sizes - you get like two items. Eh, it's so bothersome. I like Dr. Jays because they don't forget about the bigger men. They have big and tall sections for just about every brand of clothing on that site. It's pretty much the only place that I can shop online. They're not exactly cheap though. I had my money figured out - but now I need to include other things that I thought were taken care of. Which means some of the jeans and shirts I picked out have to go back onto the rack. Lol, I swear - nothing is meant to go right for me. You know what? I'm going to remain positive and just try to fit as much as I can into this little budget. All I want for Christmas is just for things to finally go my way for once.
One day, I guess. I want things to go my way. I want a movie to load and play through without skipping or the voices not matching up. I want to wake up with more than 51 cents in my bank account. I want my truck to not make that loud noise everytime I turn it on. I want to be able to tolerate being in this house and know that I won't be cursed out everyday around 4:30. I want to be able to sleep through the night without someone turning all the lights on downstairs and turning the TV's on through the house. I just want to make plans and have a solid outcome. I don't want much. I don't even want a Christmas. I just want things to go my way. It's frustrating when everything fails. I can't explain the anger and disappointment I feel day after day when things just go wrong. It's like I know when shit's not going to work. One day I'll know that it's going to work. That's all I want.
Isn't it what we all want?
3 comments:
everyone wants things to go the way they planned it or how they wanted the shit to play put. anyways i will pray for you, and i hope everything works out for you, jay.
I'll pray for you, Jay.
Keep your head up maan! It'll all work out, just keep your faith. We all have to go through hard times before we get our break. Keep trying, stay focused, & think positive. I know things will get better for you, bae!
You'll be in my prayers.
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