I remember when I was younger and I had to go move with my grandma because my mom wanted to go back to school and I really didn't have a father to go live with. See, my grandma wasn't a very good cook and some nights she didn't cook at all. There were those nights when I would go to sleep clutching my stomach trying to suppress hunger pains. I promised myself that I would never do anything like that to my children. I would always make sure that they had something in their stomachs before they went to sleep. I said that I would never have that feeling again either. Somethings don't work out as planned, I guess.

I see this man. I see him every time I go to the store. He's a filthy old man with not much to live for. I guess he finds purpose in searching for the bottles that he finds in the trash. Maybe his niche in life is to be the best bottle collector that he could possibly be. That can't be livin'. I don't know his life, nor do I know his struggle. I just know that that can't be what life is all about. Waking up every morning going through trash in hopes to find enough bottles to cash in so that he can have a beer for dinner. That's not how we were supposed to live this life. What's there to say that the same fate isn't meant for me? I don't know. You don't know. We don't know.

Some nights I do so well with forgetting the bullshit going on with me, and others everything just seems to subdue me. You know what reminded me of shit going on? Hunger pains and my stomach growling. Hearing the sound my stomach made get louder and louder just really sadden me. It sadden me to know that there is not a damned thing that I could do to appease my nutrition craving body. It felt like the tell tale heart. The more I ignored it, the louder it got. The more it wanted to be noticed. It's such a low point to be at. Now, I get to thinking - should I search for bottles, or would that be stepping on his territory. Is there a code amongst the needy? Do they claim trashcans and blocks? I wonder.

I can't help but to think back to those same nights that I curled up in my bed as a child. It's kind of heartbreaking, seriously. To top it off, I'm cold. Someone tried to break in the house that I lived in when I was younger and they broke my window out. My grandma didn't have the money to get it fixed for a while so I had to stuff my window with clothes laying around my room. Cold and hungry? Definitely not a good look. It's not a good look on me tonight, either. Maybe life goes in circles, you know? I can't really explain it - but it makes sense in my head. Lol, so does everything else.

I stopped blogging about things that were really on my mind because of the people that read my blog that I don't know anything about. Those people who just look for a weak moment in what I have to say and turn it against me. No one really knows much about me but my blog knows all. So you can assume what you know of my life by reading my words here. The last I need is my name being shopped around and talked about about. I guess I can't live my life worrying about what another person might think or say now, can I? Take it how you want to. We're all human and we all go through things. For those looking for something to use against me, so be it. I'm chill regardless.