Sometime I wish that I would have had that long four year long relationship with someone. I feel like I've missed out on something. I've never been in a relationship with someone for more than a few months at a time. I think my longest relationship all the way through was five months? Something like that. That's pitiful. I don't have much to look back on and mistakes to have learned from. This is of my own doing.

I usually say that I don't have any regrets about anything that has happened in my life; but today, I'd definitely change some things that I've done. I wouldn't have ostracized myself from any and everything. I missed out on a lot of things growing up. Heh, the funny thing about that is: I've always thought I was grown. I'm not really that grown when you think about it. Well, actually - I wasn't really grown when you think about it. Today, yes. Then, no. I was just a boy living in a world without much stability, trying to find my way by pretending to be older than I really was. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. Everyone says "I'll do this when I'm grown" - why not live that life then? I don't know. It was the perfect idea at the time. I should have spent a little less time trying to be grown and focused on growing up.

I've always thought your relationships were juvenile. That's pretty much why I never really engaged in them. I mean, think about it - you're together today, you're 'divorced' tomorrow. It makes no sense whatsoever. Ah, think again. You're wrong. I'm smart enough to know that those are practice runs. You poke your head around and toss your heart along with it just as Goldilocks did while finding her perfect porridge, chair, and bed. It's a sample of each until you find what, in the case, who you want. Then, I was naive to that. Today, I'm open to the idea and I wish I would have participated.

I believe that my main problem is that I don't know when the opportunity has presented itself for me to take advantage of. I've had chance after chance to be with someone and share a love with a promise of longevity, but I didn't. The women in my past are great people, more or less. They all have their own idiosyncratic ways that limit them, but deep down they are amazing people. It's my fault that I didn't take advantage of the opportunity. There is only one person that I've been with that I can say I had no control over what happened. Right Jaimya?

You, you're a good person and I can sense it whenever we spoke. The thing is, you had demons that you let control you. Sadly, that was ultimately the end of us. I won't get into detail what those demons were, but you know. You showed me a side of you that wasn't you at all. Our whole relationship was built off of that. When you have a faulty foundation, then you'll definitely have a fault top. We crumbled because of what you set forth to build at the bottom.

You, you were there to pick up the pieces after whatever happened with my previous at that time. Our conversation was amazing and I could tell that we would have a great friendship. We were both fresh out of relationships and we kind of clinged on to each other for guidance and support. I'll honestly say that it was my fault with whatever happened with us. After graduation, I kind of went about doing my own thing. Heh, I lived my life like a single man; although I never cheated and I never gave my feelings to someone else. What I was doing at that time caused you to give yours to another person. Understandable, Goldilocks. You were searching for your perfect.

You, you were there from the beginning. We were the best of friends before we were the best of couples. I had fun with you each and every time we chilled, talked, whatever. You're a beautiful person and I can't fault you for anything. Your choice is your own. What you decided to do with your life and go back to your ex - that's fine. You're another Goldilocks. I had no control over this one. That's the only thing that bothers me about how we ended. Other than you standing me up, lol. Different story, different blog.

You, we didn't give each other time to become friends before we rushed into something. That's what killed us; along with our communication problems. I mean, I don't fault you for anything. I could have tried to get you to talk to me more, but - eh? That wasn't cutting it. You found solace in something else and that's fine. I'm happy for you. Indeed, you're a great person just as the rest.

I have great taste in women. Well, most of the time I do. Each and everyone one of those didn't last for more than a few months straight. Maybe if they would have lasted years upon years, then I'd know what the hell I'm doing in relationships. I'd have that experience that I do lack. I feel like a damned novice compared to the rest of you. I listen to you tell me about your past and whomever you laid with at a point in time, and I have nothing to say of relevance because I don't have that. I'm something like a virgin.