77.

Yah'dig? Get used to it. You ask what the WEFA association is? It's secretive. I'm telling these niggas, man. You don't know when the society will attack, just make sure you're ready. WEFA is life, WEFA is the way. Once you get that through your heads, you will understand the order of the world. You want to know what it means? I shall not tell. I've explained that it's like the Justice League, but way more leagueier. Enough said.

WEFA F. BAYYBEE, PLEASE SAY THE WEFA!

Well, I have good news. I'm employed. Everyone's been asking about that job interview I had yesterday. Well, I went in today and they hired me. I talked to the dude for all of 5 minutes before he offered me the job. My hourly wage is something pretty too. Lol, get money? Get money. It's $2/hour more than I was making at my last job. My last job paid well, too. I'm again a Sales Associate. I go for my drug test on Monday morning. I can't wait to get that out of the way so I can start working. Aye, it's some pretty little whores that work there. Nah, I'm not a cheater - so don't go snitching, hoes.

Damn, it's my grandma's birthday. Happy Birthday, bae. She's 80 years old today, but doesn't look a day over 40. She's been working all of her life and still going. This is one of the strongesst women I know. She's raised 8 children and watched 5 of them die before her. Going through the death of a child is terrible and she's been through it five times and keeps trucking on. I love her for that. She raised my oldest brother, as well as put a roof over my head when my mother and I split up for those few years. We had our differences, but I love her to death. She has the foulest mouth ever though! She will curse you and and pray for you in the same breath. Lol, I'm ready to go to her party today to see my family. I never see them anymore.

Good thing, my fucking phone finally comes tomorrow. Yessir. I can get rid of a few of these other phones I have now. I'm paying on two contracts with about 5 phones, lmao. I want a T-Mobile Wing though. When I flip these other phones, I'ma cop one. I have this Blackberry Curve, but there's something wrong with the hardware. I have to get it restored and everything. I tried to fuckin' mess with the WM6 myself and it crashed on me. Oops, my fault? I wonder if this phone I'm getting tomorrow has WM6 on it? If not I'm going to have to put it on there myself. Lol, last time I tried to hack it on there with other shit. I'ma just put it on there straight this time. I paid too much for this phone to fuck it up this time.

It's somethings that I want to talk about, but I can't talk about in this blog. I'd rather just keep them to myself for right now. You know? But last night, I kind of had a "break down". I was looking at the tattoo on my inner forearm and I realized I still had scars on my wrists. Seeing those scars really brought back a lot of memories that I had. So many situations start to play back in my mind and then finally I saw myself sitting there cutting my wrists again. When I opened my eyes, I found myself biting down on a pen top until it cracked open. It was something intense that I'm not trying to have to go through again. I'ma going to get a tattoo over the scars on my wrists. I'm not sure of what yet, but I'll come up with something.

I hate her, I hate her for you. What she did to me makes me question you, and I'm sorry. I don't try to - but I can't help it. Just work with me. I believe that you won't leave, but I still can't shake the thought. I could ask you not to take it personal, but it's impossible not to take it personal. Maybe I'm not good enough for you? Eh, you see some shit in me that I don't. That's cool, I guess. I just don't want you to feel like you're responsible, because you're not. It's has nothing to do with you, but then again it does. Like, I know that affects you and I try my best not to let it get to me so much to where it's coming back to you. I trust you and everything, it's just. I don't know, really. I'm trying, but trying really isn't good enough. It's either you do or you don't. Just give me a minute to adjust. I'm saying, you say we have all the time in the world - but there comes a point in life where someone has to just let things go. Let's not get to that point, alright? I have to get used to being in a relationship again. I'm so used to it being just me, so my actions really didn't affect anyone but me. Now it's "us" and I know that how I feel or how I react to certain emotions will affect you in some way or another. Like, it's hard to explain - but I trust you and at the same time I'm trying to trick myself into believing that if you do up and leave that that's how it was supposed to happen. I guess I'm setting myself up so I won't be disappointed. I don't think you'd disappoint me though, but I can't shake the "what if" - atleast not right now. Don't let me push you away, because I have a strange habit in doing so. If it does come to that point where you have to let shit go, God forbid, don't put it on you - I whole heartedly take the blame for that. I give you my all, hopefully it's enough. Psh, the fuck? Nigga if you leave I'll stalk you. LMAO, I'm playing. Let me bite you. I can't stand me, either.

So, I guess I'm going to go lay down and watch a movie and all that great shit. I'll talk to you guys later. I think I'ma either watch The Hills Have Eyes 2, or Fight Club. I'm not sure yet. Either way, it's a movie night; or morning.

Goodnight.