It's 6am, and yet again it's been another sleepless night. I've already blogged, sue me. I don't care if you didn't get the read the previous blog. It wasn't to be commented on anyway. I think I may just disable all of the comments indefinitely. I'm not really up for hearing what you have to say these days. I just write to write, you know? To have a place where my thoughts can be materialized. It's not a matter of if it entertains you or not. I don't blog for attention, I blog for alleviation. I hope you don't take this personally, reader.
What's the worst thing someone can do to you? Well, for me it's lying. I cannot stand being lied to. It brings back old feelings that I don't know to get used to again. I was in a relationship where a woman lied to me about everything. Her real name, her citizenship in this country, her nationality, her family, her birthday, her age, and some other stuff. Dealing with that, I find it so hard to trust people these days. Being lied to just once can ruin my trust for a very long time. I won't say forever, because it can be regained - but it's just hard to get it back. I already have the worst time trusting people. Lying just makes it a lot harder to believe anything. I'll be a lot less mad at the truth the first time than a lie and finding out the truth later. It's just heartbreaking.
I've done something dishonest and out of my character. When you're put in a certain position you don't think rationally. I admit that that's not an excuse and I don't look to be forgiven. I knew what I was doing. I guess I let the pursuit of the truth get the best of me. I guess I am human after all. I don't think any of my actions are exempt and I don't expect them to be. I take upon full responsibility of the consequences. Is losing what I've thought to be sacred worth the truth? I'm really starting to understand the saying "ignorance is bliss." The more you know, the more it hurts. In all honesty, the truth isn't something that I can handle right now. I look to get past this soon, though. Hopefully.
I remember reading a John Gotti quote that read: "People only lie when they're afraid of something. I don't know fear." I wonder if my personality puts fear into people. I wonder what causes one to lie to me. I'd like to think of myself as a pretty calm person. I don't trip over things. It's not hard to talk to me about anything that's on your heart. You just have to keep it real with me. If I found out that what you're saying isn't the honest truth. then I'll definitely look at you all differently. I don't want to do that. I seriously don't. In my past, the people that lie to me are the people I've built a history with. Now I have to throw it all away over a lie. What sense does that make when I could have forgiven the truth?
What's the worst thing someone can do to you? Well, for me it's lying. I cannot stand being lied to. It brings back old feelings that I don't know to get used to again. I was in a relationship where a woman lied to me about everything. Her real name, her citizenship in this country, her nationality, her family, her birthday, her age, and some other stuff. Dealing with that, I find it so hard to trust people these days. Being lied to just once can ruin my trust for a very long time. I won't say forever, because it can be regained - but it's just hard to get it back. I already have the worst time trusting people. Lying just makes it a lot harder to believe anything. I'll be a lot less mad at the truth the first time than a lie and finding out the truth later. It's just heartbreaking.
I've done something dishonest and out of my character. When you're put in a certain position you don't think rationally. I admit that that's not an excuse and I don't look to be forgiven. I knew what I was doing. I guess I let the pursuit of the truth get the best of me. I guess I am human after all. I don't think any of my actions are exempt and I don't expect them to be. I take upon full responsibility of the consequences. Is losing what I've thought to be sacred worth the truth? I'm really starting to understand the saying "ignorance is bliss." The more you know, the more it hurts. In all honesty, the truth isn't something that I can handle right now. I look to get past this soon, though. Hopefully.
I remember reading a John Gotti quote that read: "People only lie when they're afraid of something. I don't know fear." I wonder if my personality puts fear into people. I wonder what causes one to lie to me. I'd like to think of myself as a pretty calm person. I don't trip over things. It's not hard to talk to me about anything that's on your heart. You just have to keep it real with me. If I found out that what you're saying isn't the honest truth. then I'll definitely look at you all differently. I don't want to do that. I seriously don't. In my past, the people that lie to me are the people I've built a history with. Now I have to throw it all away over a lie. What sense does that make when I could have forgiven the truth?
