Excuse me while I vent.

It's hard dating someone who has an active life when you really don't have much going for you. I'm not jealous of anything, if that's what you're thinking. I feel like that I'm holding her back a lot. There are a lot of events and things that she could attend. Since I'm sitting at home without a damned thing to do, I believe she feels that she's obligated to keep me company. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I feel bad because she's sitting at home when she could be having the time of her life. Then on the other hand, I really do enjoy her company. Don't give me that same ol' "there is no place she'd rather be" bullshit. I've thought about that a billion times through in my head. It still doesn't make me feel any better about it. It's just that I feel like if I wasn't around then she could be living her life without a damned restraint. Fading to black seems so nice. It's like that old saying: "I'll die so that you can live." I want her to live. I want her to see the pyramids and the floors of each sea if that's what her heart desires. You can't possibly see all of this sitting there with me watching it through a movie. One day I'll try to make up for everything that she's missed out because of me. Hopefully sooner than later.