Today was such a beautiful day. The sun was gleaming and it wasn't too hot. The birds were chirping and everything was just great. Well, please tell me why my day was so shitty? I woke up this morning and I felt absolutely wonderful. I had it in my mind that I was going to have the best day that I could possibly have. I tired. It's like nothing works for me. I'm really tired of this.
I'm so used to being upset now. These days I seem like I depend on people to help me out of things. I would absolutely love to have a friend who can just be there for me and be that person to help me out of the bad mood I'm in. Is that so wrong? I don't know. I just want to be able to talk to someone when I'm in a shitty mood without them having one back. I guess my mood alters everyone around me and I'm trying not to allow that to happen. I mean, Ace is my friend I talk to when I just need to forget about things and have some laughs - but I can't depend on him for everything. Like he said, he's only my brother.
I would like you read my previous blog after you read this one and then notice how drastic the change is. I was in such good spirits earlier. This whole day was supposed to be my day. Everything just seemed to be in order for me. You call it a misunderstanding, I call it the same ol' bullshit. We said we wouldn't go through the same things, but this whole situation reminds me of last Saturday. Lord knows how horrible that day was and what it led to the next day. It's, I don't know. I just wish you were able to help me out of my bad moods. I'm trying more and more to talk to you when I'm in a bad mood - but it seems like you're so frail. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'm trying and it's never what I mean for it to be. Like with the whole "it doesn't matter" thing. I tried and I apologized for it. When I made a decision, it was shot down. Then when I tried to offer up something else, it's equivalent to "it doesn't matter". I'm lost.
I'm sure that last paragraph really made no sense to anyone and I'm sorry. I'm just talking to myself right now. Maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. I'm open to talk to anyone, though. Just if you do want to talk about my blog - don't tell me that you read it; just talk. I don't know. I feel like I'm on the verge of just giving up on all right now. I'm trying. But with myself, when is trying turned into doing?
I'm so used to being upset now. These days I seem like I depend on people to help me out of things. I would absolutely love to have a friend who can just be there for me and be that person to help me out of the bad mood I'm in. Is that so wrong? I don't know. I just want to be able to talk to someone when I'm in a shitty mood without them having one back. I guess my mood alters everyone around me and I'm trying not to allow that to happen. I mean, Ace is my friend I talk to when I just need to forget about things and have some laughs - but I can't depend on him for everything. Like he said, he's only my brother.
I would like you read my previous blog after you read this one and then notice how drastic the change is. I was in such good spirits earlier. This whole day was supposed to be my day. Everything just seemed to be in order for me. You call it a misunderstanding, I call it the same ol' bullshit. We said we wouldn't go through the same things, but this whole situation reminds me of last Saturday. Lord knows how horrible that day was and what it led to the next day. It's, I don't know. I just wish you were able to help me out of my bad moods. I'm trying more and more to talk to you when I'm in a bad mood - but it seems like you're so frail. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'm trying and it's never what I mean for it to be. Like with the whole "it doesn't matter" thing. I tried and I apologized for it. When I made a decision, it was shot down. Then when I tried to offer up something else, it's equivalent to "it doesn't matter". I'm lost.
I'm sure that last paragraph really made no sense to anyone and I'm sorry. I'm just talking to myself right now. Maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. I'm open to talk to anyone, though. Just if you do want to talk about my blog - don't tell me that you read it; just talk. I don't know. I feel like I'm on the verge of just giving up on all right now. I'm trying. But with myself, when is trying turned into doing?
1 comment:
it's ok to want to rely on someone to up your spirits, i know exactly how you feel on that one.
but you do need to learn how to just put shit aside & live for you, because if you keep with this down attitude or w/e, it's not going to do you or anyone you interact with any good.
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