89.

If it's not one thing, it's another. Every morning I wake up, something else hurts or something else is stiff. I honestly think I'm dying. Now, that got me thinking. If I died today, would all of my affairs be in order? Not at all. I'm not where I need to be in my life, nor and I stable enough to make good on a lot of things that I need to happen.

Only once the drugs are gone, I feel like dying.

I've got this feeling. You know that feeling that you know nothing of, but you can't shake it? It's not the good feeling either. It's the one you can't explain or make any sense of it, but only bad things come with this feeling. I wish I could put a name or exact reference with this feeling, but I can't. It's just not something I'd want to have for a while.

So, I've been sick. I haven't been sick in the longest. I have no idea where this shit came from, honestly. It just snuck up on me and left me sidelined for a bit. The second day I was sick, I couldn't even get out of bed to take care of my basic needs. I laid there hungy as hell, but I couldn't get up to walk down the stairs. That shit was horrid. I hope I don't get sick like that again. Now out of all the friends I supposedly have, did anyone offer to stop by and see if I was good? Did anyone ask me if I needed anything? Not at all. You see who's there and who's not. Fuck 'em. I've got me.

We're slipping. It's like trying to hold on to water. I'm still not informed, I'm still not aware. Oops, my bad. We're slipping. We're not talking as much. As lame as it sounds, we were both just on CrushSpot in the same thread and spoke not a word to each other. We're slipping. It always happens, though. That's my relationships for you. I'm out of solutions, really. We've talked about not talking, but ain't shit change. I don't know how to make shorty comfortable, my bad. I take fault, whatever. What's that Anthony Hamilton song? Blame it all on me. My fault, right? I guess. We're slipping.

Music? I don't believe in that anymore. I scrapped my project. Honestly, fuck GRAM. Fuck everyone in ties with it. Y'all let me down. This is the worst I've been let down. It's ChiZe Capone now, I don't care about not a one of you niggas. I've put my neck on the line for this squad and we're no where. I believed in y'all, and look what happened? That's cool though. This shit is tatted on me, GRAM is me. I'll take it to the death. I have 62 songs ready for Press Conference and I'm scrapping them all. Why? Because I did those songs to set up the rest of you. I'm not riding for you anymore. I'm starting over. So instead of GRAM Game Entertainment Presents: Press Conference, you all can look for "By Any Means Necessary". I don't have a drop date, yet. I have to get my production and shit ready again. You can still be prepared for Forgive My Arrogance, even though that's look like a fairytale amongst fairytales.

Everything you did to me, I hope he does it to you.

Ace, word. My nigga, that's the realest shit you've ever wrote. I'm not going to speak on that situation anymore. Anyway, this mixtape is cool Ace. I wish you would tell me the actual track listing though. I fucks with it, either way. I listen to a lot of your shit and it makes me want to get in the booth myself. So soulful. You have a nice little fan base. I wish the people who "support" me did the same. I'm glad a nigga with substance is getting somewhere though.

Some days, I don't know so much about this music shit. I don't think I have the talent, really. I don't know how much more I can write and get it ready. It's been three years since I've done a project. I've been battling with this decision for a while though. Here's a song I did in late 2005 when I really decided to put the mic down.

Man, listening to that brings back so many memories. All of my music has a cinematic theme. This song is at the end of the movie when the villain realizes that this might not be what he wants to do for the rest of his life. The Carlito's Way moment. When the drug dealer feels like he's at a dead end and there's nothing more to do, so it's time to gracefully bow out. But like the great lyricist before me, I couldn't put it down then. I've gone three years, but something in me wants to get back at it. Then again, I don't. I'm not where I feel like I should be. I don't think I'll ever get to where I think I should be. I should be rocking a stadium by myself. No big tour with every artist on it, it should be just me. No hype man, just me and the audience. You think about all of the artist who have the talent, exposure, and resources who still aren't anywhere musically. What does that say about me? Eh, I don't know. Remember me as though I was.

Man, thinking about that. I was 16 when I did that song. I'm ahead of myself. I mean, listen to my voice, my flow, my content, my lyrics. Like really listen. Don't listen to just the beat and the chorus, listen to me. Listen to what I'm saying and how I'm saying it. I'm far ahead of myself. That's not shit a 16 year old should be on.

And I'ma still go on, sparked through a light bulb.

I'm saying, though? I'ma still go on, every time you have an idea, think of me. I'm still here. Like really break down my lyrics when you listen and you'll get a deeper meaning. Y'all not hearing me. Y'all really not hearing me. I'm speaking to dry wall, yo.