You can call me an asshole, I'm glad.
I don't regret anything that I've ever said to any of you. Any smart remark that I've ever spoken. Nor do I regret and short response I've given any of you. I have no apologies for anyone. I am the way I am, and I'll be damned if I change who I am. I'm tired of everything going on in my life. Mostly, I'm tired of you. Those same people who sit there and have every reason drawn out why I am who I am. I'm this person because I want to be. I'm comfortable with who I am. Do I care if I offend you? I really don't. I'm not one to bitch and complain about my life and how I came up, but you take everything that I've seen or been through and tell me how you'd react. I am who I am.
Oh, hey... It's you. The shoe's on the other foot, huh? You want to know what's bothering me, right? It's not cool to not know what's going on until you have to read it in a blog, is it? How do you expect me to come to you about anything anymore when you don't have the decency to speak to me about anything? Ace knows more about you than I do. Hell, you two are bestfriends now. I intended on making that same bond with you. No, I'm far from jealous - but I'm not breaking my neck to speak to you about much anymore. I hear everything about you through the ace-vine or a blog. Last night I talked to Ace and he explained how when you start talking about your feelings, emotions and all of that good shit, that you really get into it and go hard on the situation. Hm? That's new to me, seeing how we don't talk on things like that. Never have and probably never will. What's my problem? Read it in a blog. It's not fun being on the other end. Unfortunately, I'm not sorry.
I'm tired of everything, yo. Really. I'm tired of living here. I'm tired of the position I'm in right now. I feel like I should be further on in my life. I could be living my dreams right now, but I fucked up. I know I still have time and I'm going to pick up everything in September, but eh? I should be out there, doing me. I dream about being interviewed by some upscale magazine and everyone rushes to the news stand to read about what I said. That's only a dream - my goal is to be successful.
I'll be off this midnight shit in a few weeks, thankfully. I'm tired of working that shit. My life is pretty much nothing but the same shit over and over. I don't know how long I can do that. I put in my request for a transfer last night. So hopefully by May 12th I'll be off of it. No, really - May 12th, I better be off of it.
I guess everyone is hyped up about Rude Awakening today. Congratulations. I'm proud of what you've done and all that good shit. Honestly, to be as straight forward as I can be... I'm a little bitter about today. I envy the type of fan response you have. I covet the dedication your people give you with your projects. I've had song after song, project after project. Press Conference was supposed to drop next week, but no one cared. Board of Directors dropped, and no one cared. I guess I'm doing something wrong. I do know I'm tired of putting everything into this shit for an outpour of air. I can count on one hand of all of the people who took the time out to listen to Board of Directors. I can count on one finger how many people asked me about Press Conference day after day. So yes, I'm proud but it's so bittersweet. Maybe it's just because of how I'm feeling in general.
This is not a good 100th post.
Bye.
I don't regret anything that I've ever said to any of you. Any smart remark that I've ever spoken. Nor do I regret and short response I've given any of you. I have no apologies for anyone. I am the way I am, and I'll be damned if I change who I am. I'm tired of everything going on in my life. Mostly, I'm tired of you. Those same people who sit there and have every reason drawn out why I am who I am. I'm this person because I want to be. I'm comfortable with who I am. Do I care if I offend you? I really don't. I'm not one to bitch and complain about my life and how I came up, but you take everything that I've seen or been through and tell me how you'd react. I am who I am.
Oh, hey... It's you. The shoe's on the other foot, huh? You want to know what's bothering me, right? It's not cool to not know what's going on until you have to read it in a blog, is it? How do you expect me to come to you about anything anymore when you don't have the decency to speak to me about anything? Ace knows more about you than I do. Hell, you two are bestfriends now. I intended on making that same bond with you. No, I'm far from jealous - but I'm not breaking my neck to speak to you about much anymore. I hear everything about you through the ace-vine or a blog. Last night I talked to Ace and he explained how when you start talking about your feelings, emotions and all of that good shit, that you really get into it and go hard on the situation. Hm? That's new to me, seeing how we don't talk on things like that. Never have and probably never will. What's my problem? Read it in a blog. It's not fun being on the other end. Unfortunately, I'm not sorry.
I'm tired of everything, yo. Really. I'm tired of living here. I'm tired of the position I'm in right now. I feel like I should be further on in my life. I could be living my dreams right now, but I fucked up. I know I still have time and I'm going to pick up everything in September, but eh? I should be out there, doing me. I dream about being interviewed by some upscale magazine and everyone rushes to the news stand to read about what I said. That's only a dream - my goal is to be successful.
Your success took a shot at you.
What are you going to do now?
What are you going to do now?
I'll be off this midnight shit in a few weeks, thankfully. I'm tired of working that shit. My life is pretty much nothing but the same shit over and over. I don't know how long I can do that. I put in my request for a transfer last night. So hopefully by May 12th I'll be off of it. No, really - May 12th, I better be off of it.
I guess everyone is hyped up about Rude Awakening today. Congratulations. I'm proud of what you've done and all that good shit. Honestly, to be as straight forward as I can be... I'm a little bitter about today. I envy the type of fan response you have. I covet the dedication your people give you with your projects. I've had song after song, project after project. Press Conference was supposed to drop next week, but no one cared. Board of Directors dropped, and no one cared. I guess I'm doing something wrong. I do know I'm tired of putting everything into this shit for an outpour of air. I can count on one hand of all of the people who took the time out to listen to Board of Directors. I can count on one finger how many people asked me about Press Conference day after day. So yes, I'm proud but it's so bittersweet. Maybe it's just because of how I'm feeling in general.
This is not a good 100th post.
Bye.
8 comments:
Congratulations on your 100th post.
Board of Directors was slept on. Period. It doesn't mean that the project isn't in circulation, anymore. I put Slitta, & the rest of T.H.E. on you. Niggas is ready for Science Project...well, they think they are.
Son, I can understand why it's bittersweet, but peep game. You don't think I'm not a LIL bit afraid? As much as I love my support system, there is only so much of them. Do you think I sat here & brooded over a mixtape & crappy mixer for 2 months for 20 plays on an iPod? No.
I'm afraid, Jay.
I know B.O.D. was s'posed to be a big deal, & trust me...it is. For those who respect real music & KNOW OF YOU, it is. It hasn't left anyone's desktop.
But, at the same time, son. Look. You rapped over instrumentals on B.O.D.
I had to start from scratch. Given a few beats from people, I had to make this shit from absolutely nothing.
I rapped.
I produced.
I mixed.
I mastered.
I took help from very little amount of people.
So, I'm fuckin' petrified that the world won't receive it the way I want it to...I call it an album, but everyone else sees it as a mixtape. What? Sweet Dreams was a mixtape. Royal Flush was a mixtape.
This?
....this is my soul.
& even if the rest of the world doesn't download it in one big glorious day like i want them to, I know that results will show if I continue to push it.
Key word- continue.
Whens the last time you put niggas on B.O.D.? Whens the last time you tol' someone new to download ya soul? Do that shit, son. The link is still click-able, & its still accessable. So keep pushing that shit until something new is on the table.
My support system knows you just as much as they know me, my dude. Talk to Liz. Talk to 'Mia. Talk to people.
If you're anything like me(which you are), you'd rather people do it just because they wanna see you rise. But hey, man....life ain't always like that.
Sometimes you gotta' ask.
trust & believe, I'm still learning that lesson.
Science Project on the way
The best that ever did it, & we ain't got a fuckin' date.
We here now.
Word, 100 in the hole now.
Board of Directors was dismantled before it was given a chance. My thing is, if my own squad won't give a chance, what's the point of it? I went to his MySpace, son has new pictures and all that great shit. Enjoying life, but can't pick up the phone to call me and let me know what's going on? Fuck it.
We had 15 days to put together 20 something songs and we did it. We had it done. Then the last day and bam! Where the fuck is the second half? No one knows but him. I got royally fucked over.
I let people into my world with these songs and...
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
I'm afraid for you. I don't want this project to be the biggest yet. I need people to step up and give unestablished artist a chance. They put us all in one group of people. And that pisses me the fuck off, honestly.
You have the potential, you have the talent, you have the support.
Talent is recognized...
Well, in most cases.
Listen here Jamesyface, the next you drop an album... I'll be all over that with the good, cutesy type of paper too ;]
I still have Board of Directors on my ipod and I still listen to it, thank you very much.
They need to hurry up and get you off this night shift thing. Smh! I never get to talk to you anymore these days and when I do.. I make you all angry that you wanna go take an angry shit.
-criesssss
-throw toilet paper at you
Btw, I love this video.
-refresh & watch it again
Lizzy, yo.
I swear I love you. You're freaking afuckingmazing! Lol, yo - Board of Directors, man. I'm disappointed. That right there was my heart. What I had left to drop in my heart, that was it. To get fucked over by your family? That hurts the worst, yo.
I'm glad you're supportive. I'll make sure to buy you a biiiiiiiiiiiggggg ol' shoe making factory. Then you can make me be the best Nikes!
LMAO!!! ANGRY SHIT! >:[ RAWRLAX!!!
Oops, I'm on the wrong name...
Dickface.
LOLOLOL!
It's okay.
I was under Ace da Vinci's name earlier and I accidentally commented somebody on it too. Hehhe
You know you can always turn to me .. as your friend, your fan and your therapist. Lord knows you have a lot of problems [wink]
I ain't making you shit.
-throws shoes at you
ah, jaybaby. congrats on your 100th post first and foremost.
I got to get inside your head a teeny bit on the phone and I KNOW success is something you desire, however you can't just give shit up cause its not happening for you, press on and trust me lord knows shit will fall into place if you keep it persistant.
I swear I feel the same way you do. I promise on everything I do. but give yourself the same advice you gave me today, relax and keep it moving, I know its easier said than done but shit, you GOTTA do it.
as a person who has the same musical tastes as I do I respect you as an artist and it also help that you're from brooklyn LMAO j/k. but seriously when I heard you spit on the phone to me it was almost surreal cause I never thought it was like THAT. why do you think I kept telling you to keep going? son! you have talent and I mean that from like the deepest place in my heart.
hey, you don't have to tell me about jobs think of me and those jackass over at walmart shit if anything I DO know. but you KNOW if you ever need to talk about anything my sidekick is always on my hip. and trust me I try to reach out to you as much as possible. Reach back, though?
-steals your blog
it's hawt.
-blush
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