80.

Dear You,

Your name isn't important. There are a few things that I keep to myself in this blog. My readers don't need to know exactly who you are. You're one of those people that I'd rather keep to myself. In all aspect, I would have rather kept you to myself. We met a few years back. Man, I was still in High School, heh. I remember I'd get off the bus, ready to talk to you. We'd joke for hours about pop-tarts and all that dumb shit. SCREENSHOT! Damn, that was my favorite word back then. Nothing you said was safe in my box. Then my friendship towards you because a little more than that. We were pimps though, none of that would have worked. You would come to me on how to keep your niggas in check, and I told you the exact lies to use and the exact attitudes to cop at whatever time. At the same time, you showed me how to keep my bitches in check and how to make them fall harder. At first, I wanted you so I could say I pimped the pimp, and I'm sure it was the same way for you. I mean, that's how it first started off - you know? You got with your dude and I got a little jealous. Then I realized it wasn't just me trying to pimp a pimp, I really did want you. I loved when you and that man argued, because I wanted to see y'all break up. At the same time, I was giving him advice on how to keep you. I made one of the worst decisions in my life at that time. I got with Janika/Ramonia; whatever her name is. She felt like you were a threat, because I would always talk about you. She'd repeatedly ask me if I would rather be with you than her. I told her no, but I knew that I wanted you. Come on, you were pimping too? What's better than having a bitch who knows the game and y'all can compliment each other out. Months went by and I accepted the fact that I'd probably never be with you. That was straight, I thought I had who I wanted. You know? One of my last arguments with oh girl was about you. Well, needless to say - her and I finally broke up. I mean, you know this, because I confided in you about the whole situation. Then you and I got on talks of an "us". I wasn't ready for a relationship coming out of the one that I had with shorty. You said you'd wait, and indeed I believed you. Heh, I remember you told me you loved me. I didn't know what to say. Should I say it back or should I just act like I didn't love you either. Fuck it, I love you too. Funny thing is, a week after that I started hearing about you and other niggas. Your own best friend linked me to shit that niggas wrote about y'all being together. Aye, fuck it I knew your girl liked me so I just figured she was hatin'. Then my own people started telling me they were with you. Oh wow? Now I start believing shit. I started asking you if you were fucking with other niggas and you'd tell me that you weren't. I believed you, I mean that's up until March. That's the day I told your girl I liked her. I know damned well I didn't like that girl, I just wanted to make you mad. Indeed, you said you cried and all that. Cool. That's what I wanted, oddly. Who would have thought in March we'd fall out though? I mean I was going through so much. I still remember the date that you and I started talking again. It was May 6th - the two month anniversary of you and your dude. Two long months. Go back in the time line, that means you go with him on March 6th. My birthday is March 5th, and that day I asked you if you were talking to someone and you boldly denounced the idea. I believed you that day, but on May 6th - that's when I started realizing that maybe you weren't as sincere as you said you were. We talked all that month and finally said we would start "talking". We promised to give it an effort. Aye, why did we lie like that? Because we didn't talk for weeks after that day. Moving on, we both grow apart. All of the shoulda, woulda, and coulda's come up every now and then. We both had someone, we both lost someone. Even when I was with my "someone", I wanted you. I know it was wrong, because I was laughing in your dudes face and talking to my "someone" daily. I didn't want that girl, she was just a replacement for another failed relationship before her. Heh, a lot has happened with the both of us though. I've watched you become a completely different person. I know you're still the same person, but it's just shit that you let go of. That's fine and dandy, because I'm not the same person that you knew either. I was fun back then, now I'm so serious that it bothers me. I used to make you laugh, now I come at you on some serious bullshit each and every time we talk. I guess that's what happens when you go through what I went through. I'm not the same person. You went from being my friend, to my crush, to a love, to a bestfriend, to a memory. Do I hold on to memories or let them go? I'm finally knowing what "happiness" is with my new girl. I mean, I have my differences that I wish she did a little more or did different, but that's with anyone. You know me, I would have left someone because of a minor difference, but I want this one to work. Heh, odd - right? Out of all the time you've known me, when have I said that? I know this is getting pretty long, and I doubt that you'll even read this - but it's just a way of me getting some things off of my chest. I mean, you let me go. You kicked me out of your life, and that's fine. It's your life, you do what you want to do. I just wish things between as they were. I miss joking with you about pointless shit like pop-tarts. I miss being a complete asshole to you and laughing about it. I mean that time of my life was grand. Maybe I just miss that time period. I do miss our friendship though. See, I can let you go and act like I never met you - but that's kind of hard. I mean, you're quite the complicated person and when I look at you, I see the same thing in me. The same nonchalant that you have, I have the same thing. Honestly, bitches are bitches and niggas are niggas - I don't give two fucks about them. I'll hurt someones feelings and not care if they commit suicide afterwards. I don't know why I miss our friendship, but I do. Sometimes I get a random thought of you and I can't help but to wonder what happened between us. I tried to talk to you, but it went no where. Now you can read this and be like "the fuck is up with this nigga?" or we can start over as friends. But I've stated, I doubt that you'll read this. Just know, that I'd rather be just an associate than not have you in my life at all.

Sincerely,
Poppa Burr

Don't trip, I know it's long.